The Large Finn
During my second voyage on the Otter, Dick Mortimer the Chief Officer, grandly announced to anybody who would listen, and as though he was making a great sacrifice, that he would stay on board on the Friday evening in Kotka so that I could go ashore and partake of the delights of the town. On the previous voyage, I had been content during the stay in port to look after the ship leaving the others to go ashore. Despite my half hearted protest, Dick insisted that I sample the night life of Kotka that evening in the company of Bill Douglas, the Second Engineer, and Rex, the Third Mate.
To my surprise, before leaving the Otter, Bill and Rex came into my cabin, each took a beer out of my cupboard and instructed me on how I was to conduct myself when we had arrived at the restaurant. I tried hard not to laugh at the serious way in which they talked to me.
" You must follow the conventions and unwritten rules of the place," they instructed me as though I was a fifteen year old out for my first date. They were so serious, I had to suppress an instant urge to laugh. " All you have to do is follow what we do and you will be all right. Remember this is Finland not Hamburg."
After my instruction period and a couple more of my beers, we left the Otter and climbed the dusty road up the hill from the docks to the town square. The central square proved to be an unpresupposing cobbled area, a dusty yard with a bus stand in one corner and the grey statue of some long forgotten hero covered in the white splashes left by disrespectful sea gulls in the centre. My first immediate impression of the town was of a drab uniform greyness, of rows of dull wooden houses lining the road up from the docks and of equally grey two storey buildings lining each side of the central square. The only colour in the whole scene was from the neon signs over the shops and the displays of goods in the windows, the lights from which were just casting a glow over the surrounding area.
Directly across the square from the road leading from the docks was a building somewhat taller than the rest of the structures fronting onto the square. As though in a hurry to get out of the dusk and into the bright lights, Rex hurried ahead of Bill and I towards this building, neither looking to left or right. Whenever I paused to look around, Bill pulled me after Rex, telling me I could act like a tourist some other time. Closer inspection revealed a cafe on the ground floor, shrouded now in darkness. Next to the entrance to the cafe, double doors opened into the street and over these doors a flashing sign in red neon saying ‘HOTEL’ and something in Finish which I could not translate. Through the open doors I could make out a red carpet covering a flight of stairs but not much besides. Without any hesitation, Bill led us through the doors and up the stairs.
After climbing the red carpeted stairs, we left our coats at the reception desk before pushing our way through double glass doors into a large, square room. Tables, covered in white table cloths were arranged randomly round the room but leaving a space for a highly polished piece of floor in front of a raised stage on which musical instruments were propped against some chairs. To one side of the room was a small bar decorated as though fronting a beach in the south seas and some doors which I took to lead to the kitchens. A number of people sitting at the tables looked up when we entered. On seeing that we were another group of men, the men already in the room soon resumed their drinking and conversation but the glances from a few of the women lingered a bit longer. One thing I noticed was the way most of the men sat together in twos or threes separated from similar groups of women sitting at other tables.
A waitress, dressed in a black dress and white apron, came to the door and led us to a table beside the dance floor. She smiled at Bill as she took our order.
“ Hello, Bill,” she said seeming to push her breasts, which were straining the fabric of her dress, very close to his eyes. “ I heard the Otter had docked and thought you would be in here tonight. Who is your new friend? I haven't seen him before.”
" This is James, our new Second Mate." Bill waved a hand negligently in my direction. “ James this is Anna. She usually tries to bring us our drinks when we are in here.”
I smiled and said hello.
Anna gave me a huge smile, though it tended to emphasise her broken and stained teeth, and went to fetch our order. While we waited for our drinks to arrive, Bill and Rex sat back in their chairs and openly surveyed the room paying special attention to the tables at which the unaccompanied women sat.
“ Aren't we supposed to have a meal?” I asked innocently, having read that in Finland alcoholic drink was only available with a meal.
Bill looked at me as though he was trying to figure out if I was being sarcastic and then laughed when he realised my question was genuine. “ You are right, as far as it goes. The law is quite explicit and we are supposed to have a meal while we are here if we want to drink. The management of most restaurants near ports in Finland let visiting sailors off the need to buy a meal. As far as I can make out, the regulation states that the inspectors will assess whether bar takings are in line with food takings, or something like that. It appears that most nights the relationship is true without us having to eat and so we get away with only having drinks.” He grinned and turned to Rex. “ Not many people in yet.”
“ No,” Rex answered but his eyes never left the occupants of a table across the room. “ See that girl over there, the one with the long hair and blue dress? She is the one I have been trying to chat up for the last few visits.” Bill followed the direction in which Rex's eyes were looking and nodded.
“ I hope the band is reasonable. Last time we were here the music was impossible to dance to.” Bill thanked the waitress as she placed the drinks in front of us.
At this point, five young men dressed in black trousers, black waistcoats and green frilly shirts strolled into the room through the door I had assumed led to the kitchen. The band, I thought and as though to confirm my thoughts, they proceeded, as all bands do, to fiddle with their instruments, blow experimental notes and scales, get into a huddle and ignore the audience. With a quick introduction as though they were loath to speak but wished to let their music speak for itself, they were off, playing for all they were worth. Mid Atlantic Latin American with a sprinkling of pop was what the sound they made immediately suggested.
I was taken completely by surprise by what happened as soon as they started to play. During all my years at sea and in all the ports I had visited, I had never experienced anything like this. In an instant the atmosphere in the room was transformed. One moment there were groups of people sitting at tables talking and drinking quietly, the next the room was full of movement. Chair legs scraped across the floor, men rushed across the spaces between the tables and with a great deal of bowing and heel tapping, if not to mention a little pushing and shoving, asked the lady sitting at the table they had approached for a dance. Suddenly the dance floor was alive with couples dancing. It was astonishing, like a throw back to the golden age of Hollywood film and the great dancing era. I had this thought that I had been transported back to the nineteen twenties instead of nineteen sixty five. The whole process was so formal, so traditional and in many ways old fashioned, I had difficulty believing my eyes.
Lifting my drink, I sat back to watch. I was only aware when I turned to say something to my companions that they were no longer there. Rex and Bill had left the table unnoticed by me in the bedlam that had accompanied the start of the music. After a brief search, I discovered them both on the dance floor, chatting away as fast as they could speak to their partners. After two dances, like all the men, they shepherded their partners back to their tables and came to rejoin me.
“ I reckon I have a good chance to take that girl back to her place tonight,” Rex said, panting with the effort to recover from his exertions on the dance floor. His face was red and he mopped his brow with a large white handkerchief just like a farmer on a hot summers day. “ She tells me her husband is away at the moment and she was quite chatty, which is a good sign. I’ll have to be quick next time I want to dance with her so that I get to her table before any other bloke. What do you think Bill?”
“ I think you are right about being on with her tonight,” Bill remarked looking over to the table where Rex's girl was sitting with a friend. “ As far as I could see, she seemed to wait for you to get to her table as you elbowed that Finn out of the way. I must say that was a nifty piece of work, young Rex. If I was in your shoes, I would chat her up as soon as you can and then get away early. Anna, the waitress told me Judy will be in later tonight and you know my feelings for Judy. The trouble is, I never know if she is going to want me to go home with her until it is too late to get anybody else. I will take things a bit easy until she arrives. I always like to find out how I stand with Judy before I try chatting up any other woman. It wouldn't do me any good if Judy arrived wanting me to be her date and I had to say I was already occupied for the night.”
Bill looked at me and raised his eyebrows. “ James, why are you just sitting here? You have to be quick if you want to dance with a woman. All you have to do is pick out the one with whom you wish to dance, get ready when the band looks like they are going to start playing and, on the first note, make a straight line for her table. If you get there in time to get her on her feet, chat away like anything while you are dancing, even if she doesn't understand a word of English. What you are doing is making sure she grasps the fact that you are interested and wish to dance with her all night. Always remember, you have only two dances to get the message across but if you are successful, sometime during the evening, she will give you a nod even before the band starts playing and then wait until you get to her table, refusing the offers of any other man. When that happens you know you are in and it saves a whole lot of rushing around.”
Bill's wide set, brown eyes sparkled as he spoke, excited by his theory of how to chat up women in a Finnish bar. He was obviously in love with the whole concept, alive to what he would call the chase and sunk into solving the problems of what to say and how to say it. I had the distinct impression that Bill did not mind if nothing came of his exploits as long as he had played, what to him, was a glorious game. The art and the excitement, for him, were in the subtle eye contact, the out manoeuvring of a rival, the getting through to a partner in broken Finnish, in other words the chase. What followed afterwards was a bonus but not too important to the success of the evening. What was maddening to many of his friends was that despite his seeming indifference to success or failure, it was in all the time I knew him the exception when Bill had to go back to the ship rather than to some girls flat.
“ I think I will sit here for a while and watch what goes on, drink in the atmosphere so to speak,” I said rather tentatively in the face of his obvious excitement. I was back in my slightly silly let things drift mood though partly it was because I genuinely feared those first steps across the floor. To me it was the fear of being made to look silly which stopped me doing what I really wanted. If I had ever told Bill about these fears, he would have laughed and not understood. To him, any set back in the chase was a spur to greater efforts.
“ Don't wait too long! ” Rex cut in, never taking his eyes off the woman he was trying to talk into letting him take back to her home. “ Get up and dance with somebody, any body, it does not matter who. You have to show all the women in the place that you are interested in them and you are available. “
“ It's all a game to you two, isn't it? “ I asked innocently smiling indulgently at their enthusiasm.
Bill rounded on me as though I had touched a raw nerve, his eyes for the first time rather hard and more black than sparkling brown. Now he really did look like a pirate. “ If you want to enjoy sailing to Finland and to end up in one of these woman's beds of a night, you have to play the field their way,” Bill said fiercely thrusting his face across the table towards me. “ The Finns like a formal approach or the game as you call it. In many cases it will take a few trips to actually get invited back to the woman's flat but it is well worth the effort. On a good night, if you are lucky, a woman will consent to come back to your table for a drink at the end of the evening. If that happens you know you are in with a chance of going to bed with her that night,”
Bill looked round the room as the band finished another set. “ In this country you have to work at relationships, talking to the woman you want to get to know at every available opportunity and making sure that even if you don't get any opportunity to talk, the woman is aware of your interest. When the band starts, even if you are too slow across the floor and somebody else gets to dance with her, by getting up and trying to get there you are showing your interest. If she wants to dance with you later on, she will give you a chance to ask her for a dance.”
The band started to play, interrupting the passionate flow of words. Bill and Rex were off across the floor, each intent on their intended victim. I ordered another round of drinks, sat back in my chair and watched them guide their victims onto the floor. It wasn't long before the atmosphere overcame my cynicism, or maybe it was the drink, and I found myself being drawn into the game which all the other men in the room were playing.
A small, dark haired woman looked across at me during a pause in the music while the band members were discussing what to play next, smiling slightly when our eyes met before she looked away. Without being conscious of moving, I found myself standing by her table asking her to dance when the band next started to play. She smiled hugely and followed me onto the floor. Dancing close together, I talked about anything which came into my mind while she answered in broken, fractured English. At the end of the set, I led her back to her table and returned to my place.
Rex grinned broadly and nodded approvingly as I sat down. ” That was a good start. You'll soon get the hang of it. Are you going to try to get her to dance again? ”
What he was said passed completely over my head because I wasn't listening to a word he was saying. Over Rex's shoulder, I was watching a tall blonde woman who had just walked into the restaurant. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a flash as Bill waved to her. The face was round, almost fat with a very full mouth and wide set deep blue eyes. Silver blonde hair fell in cascades down over her shoulders and contrasted with the low cut black dress showing her clear tanned skin. The full breasts pushed hard against the fabric of her top, rounding out the material above a slimmish waist. Her skirt was that bit shorter than the other women in the room, not a lot but just noticeable, showing off her shapely legs. Almost all the men in the room, even those with female companions, had stopped talking and were looking at her. Judy I thought, from the way she smiled in answer to Bill's wave.
There were three other girls with Judy and they followed dutifully behind like obedient attendants or ladies in waiting, as she swept through the room to her table obviously aware of, but paying little attention to, the reaction of both men and women to her entrance. All eyes in the room seemed to watch her progress. As though on cue, the band had stopped playing the moment she entered the room leaving her the centre of attention but started to play again once she was seated and normal conversation resumed. Two of the girls accompanying Judy, sat back in their seats and surveyed the room as though assessing their prospects for the evening making remarks to each other as their eyes took in the clientele of the restaurant.
The third sat sipping her drink, talking quietly to Judy and hardly glancing at the other people in the room. She was rather short with wavy brown hair and wearing a tailored dark grey suit with the collar of her navy blue blouse over the top of her jacket. I was gazing in her direction when she looked up and her eyes met mine with a steady gaze. Her face was rather plain with only a trace of makeup but her eyes had endless depths. Those eyes appeared sad, drawing me into their depths much as a lake draws the eyes of a watcher on a moonlit night. I felt myself being drawn into those depths even across the floor of the room, drawn deeper towards the mystery that lay beneath the surface, drawn steadily down beneath the calm exterior. The spell was broken when the eyes looked away towards a man who was asking her to dance and she dutifully rose from her seat to follow him onto the dance floor.
I cannot now remember why the idea occurred to me then but as she started to dance I was certain before the evening was through I was going to charge across the floor and try to get her to dance with me. It was a conviction which grew as I watched her dancing with her partner but I lost sight of her when I saw Bill dancing with Judy. They were oblivious to all the other couples, completely tied up in each other as though they had been waiting for this moment and were excited at it's arrival.
After two dances, the band stopped playing and left the room for their break. All the customers sat down to wait out the pause in the dancing and to continue drinking. I lent back in my chair, trying to catch the eye of the girl who had come into the room with Judy and only half listening to Rex and Bill discussing what the were going to do for the rest of the evening. Once more the woman sitting with Judy looked in my direction and once more I was drawn into the depths of her eyes. When she looked away there was a slight smile on her lips as though she had scored some sort of point. I was trying to fathom this out when Bill pulled my arm.
" Judy has told me she is on her own this weekend and I will be going back to her place after the restaurant closes," Bill said matter of fact. " She found out from the ships agent that we were in port today and has been preparing the ground for us to be together while the Otter is here. How are things going with you two? "
" I'm not sure what is happening," Rex remarked looking across the room to the girl he had been dancing with. " Anna lives out in the country and it would mean a taxi ride there and back if I want to take her home. I am not sure I want to go that far and besides, I can't really afford to pay for a taxi. You must know I am due back in Helsinki tomorrow afternoon to see Hilda and I don't want to put my relationship with her in any danger by spending all my money on a taxi trip just for a night with Anna."
" Oh don't be so silly!" Bill exclaimed grimacing in mock horror at Rex. " You don't often get the chance to line up somebody here because you look after the ship so that you can have the time off to go to Helsinki. Take Anna home tonight with what money you have now and then get some more off the Old Man when you get back to the ship in the morning. That way you can enjoy a night with Anna and get to see Hilda in Helsinki over the weekend."
" It's all right for you to talk that way. You earn a lot more than me. In addition, I have to consider how much I send home every month towards the cost of buying a house after I get married." Rex said indignantly.
" That's no excuse! " Bill answered. " I have a wife, two kids and a mortgage to finance from my earnings. As you are aware, I have to be very careful with the money I earn, which is one of the reasons I never get too hitched to one girl and have to do a lot of travelling. Do you think he should draw some more money tomorrow so that he can take Anna home tonight and still see Hilda in Helsinki over the weekend? " Bill turned to me for help.
I didn't know what to say, deciding to stay as neutral as possible so as not to upset one or the other. " How am I supposed to give advice when I haven't got all the facts? Everybody I sailed with on tankers took every opportunity to go to bed with a woman whenever it arose. What you have to realise however, we had no idea when the next chance of meeting, let alone sleeping with, a woman would come. I don't know how much you need to go with this Anna tonight or whether you should wait until you get to see Hilda on Saturday. If you are as broke as you are making out, surely you can hold your sexual drive in for a day? "
" You aren't much help are you with that holier than thou attitude," Rex growled looking sourly at me.
" Hey, don't take your frustration out on me! " I shot back feeling trapped between the certainty of Bill and Rex's lack of funds. " You're the one who has a fiancee at home, goes to see a girl in Helsinki and now wants to have the same here as well. On top of that, you want to do all these things without spending any money. I haven’t a girl in England, have not been out at night in Finland until now and am not too short of money, so how am I supposed to advise you? I know it sounds silly to both of you but if I was married or planned to get married, I would not be chatting up women here. I would be saving all my money. "
" That's all very well for you to talk but it doesn’t help me, " Rex snapped back angrily.
" For Christ sake Rex, go and ask her if you can take her home and then decide what you are going to do, " Bill said losing interest in Rex’s problem. This was not surprising because, as I was to find out later, Bill did things and then thought his way out of the consequences afterwards.
" I'll lend you the money for tonight, " I told Rex on a sudden impulse. It was well known fact on the Otter that Rex was short of money and for some reason despite his grumbling, I was feeling sorry for him. " You can pay me back when you get your finances sorted out."
Rex looked at me for a long time as though weighing up my motive, working out what I thought I would gain from lending him the money.
" OK, " he said suddenly making up his mind. " I'll see you when I get back to the ship in the morning. You can lend me the money to get me to Helsinki. If Anna wants me to take her home, I expect I will have to leave early. She was telling me earlier that she has to leave before the band finishes so that she is not too late home."
Bill and Rex continued to dissect the 'talent' as they called the women sitting round the room and to speculate on who would end up with whom. Looking across the room to the table at which Judy and her party sat, I did not join in because my mind was on other things. After a while the band wandered back from their rest, had a consultation and then began to play.
Without a conscious effort, not realising what I was doing, I found myself beside Judy's table looking into those deep, sad eyes. The woman looked up at me with one eyebrow raised but she smiled the same slightly secretive smile I had seen earlier and she got up from her chair to accompany me onto the dance floor.
" Do you speak English?" I asked as we started to dance and the relief flooded through my body when she nodded.
" My name is James, " I went on remembering Bill's advice to keep talking.
" Kirsti." she said, her Finnish accent very strong. " I studied English at school and now work for a company which does a lot of business with England. Translating the documents gives me a lot of practice in using English. The company sent some people to London to meet our clients a few years ago and I went with them. It gave me a chance to practice my English among English people. "
" Did you like London? " I asked. At least, I thought, we have found something to talk about straight away and I am not desperately trying to find things to say.
" It was so big and busy compared even to Helsinki not to mention Kotka, that I was confused all the time I was staying there. Everybody in the streets or on the tube are rushing along as though they did not have time to stop and think. It gave London a sense of being exciting but rather breathless. " She screwed up her nose before going on. " One thing I did notice was that we seemed to get wet every time we left our hotel!"
" It doesn't rain in London all the time," I said defensively.
The rest of the dance and what we talked about has faded from my memory, lost in the mists of time and mixed up with similar occasions in other places and at other times. With an effort, I can still recall the closeness of her body, the smell of her perfume but mainly the memory is of those eyes pulling me down into their depths. Big brown orbs, pulling me down, making me want to disappear, to explore the mystery that lay under the surface. It was with a feeling of being cheated that I escort her back to her chair at the end of the dance. I could have stayed on the dance floor looking into those eyes for the rest of the evening, not concerned about what happened afterwards. Floating in those depths, exploring the half hidden mystery sinking without trace, that is what I remember about my first encounter with the night life of Finland.
" You will let me dance with you again? " I asked tentatively as I helped her with her chair.
" You will have to take your turn with all the other men," she said but smiled at the flash of my disappointment which I could not keep from my face. " I was only making fun of you, James. I will have to dance with whoever gets to my table first for a while, it is what is expected of me. If you have trouble getting to me before other men, then later in the evening I will refuse all offers and wait for you to come to my table. " She squeezed my hand as I turned to go. A feeling of elation swept over me as I walked back to, our table .
True to her word, Kirsti looked across to my table later in the evening and brushing all other offers aside waited patiently for me to come and take her onto the dance floor. We dance close together, hardly talking but very conscious of the warmth of our bodies through our clothes. Towards the end of the dance I asked her where she lived.
" Just round the corner in a block of flats," she answered. " I have Rachel staying with me. " She nodded at one of the women sitting at the table with Judy.
" Can I walk you home when the band stops? " I asked a bid formally but I could think of no other way of broaching the subject.
Kirsti laughed, the first time I heard her laugh, and pushed herself closer to me. " Of course you can take me home. Anyway, there is no need to ask too many questions now because it looks like we are going to have a drink all together for the last part of the evening."
I looked across at the table where Bill and I had been sitting. A waiter was putting some more chairs round the table and Bill was already seated with Judy. At the end of the dance, Kirsti and I joined them. Rex was saying good night to his friends and getting the doorman to phone for a taxi, obviously ready to take Anna home.
Later, when the band finished playing and had put away their instruments, we collected our coats and drifted down into the street. Judy with Bill, Rachel with another man I did not know though by the way they talked, Bill had met him before, Kirsti holding tight to my arm and a tall heavily built man on his own. Before we had left the restaurant, Kirsti had asked us all back to her flat for coffee.
Kirsti's flat was on the first floor of a block overlooking the harbour, a typically large window providing a view of the ships and the port approaches dotted with rocky islands. Off the entrance hall on one side was the bathroom and on the other a kitchen. The lounge or living area was large with a kind of raised stage at one end reached by three steps. On the raised platform was a dining table and chairs cut off from the rest of the room by a rail. A door led off the dining area to what I took to be a bedroom while another door opened into another room at the end of the flat. Kirsti took all the coats, put them on hangers in the hall and went into the kitchen to make some coffee. Coffee served, Kirsti sat beside me on the settee ignoring the man who had come on his own and who now sat on my other side. This Finn sat glowering at us, his bulk and size looking even more pronounced in the close confines of the flat. Kirsti made her intentions for the rest of the evening plain by the way her hand strayed over my thigh but I began to wonder what the big Finn’s intentions were if Kirsti continued to show affection for me.
Bill and Judy left after a while but still the Finn sat on the settee showing no signs of leaving but ominously flexing his muscles. He and Kirsti argued in Finnish at one point, an argument which I could not understand but from the Finn's gestures it concerned me. By the thunderous glances he cast in my direction, my presence in Kirsti's flat after he left to go home was not desired. The situation was getting out of hand and I did not know what to do. It was obvious even to me that the Finn was not going to budge until I left. Rachel said something to Kirsti, got up and went to her bedroom holding her boyfriends hand. Still the Finn sat massive and immovable on the settee.
" I'll help you with the cups," I said, collecting them onto a tray and carrying them into the kitchen. Kirsti followed me, her lips drawn into a thin line and her eyes no longer deep mysterious pools but blazing with anger.
" My husband's friend," she said with a shrug. " As soon as he saw me at the restaurant on my own, he wanted to come home with me. He has been trying to get into bed with me for years but I won't let him. When he saw that I was coming home with you, he set himself up to protect me. Not that he is worried about me being with you, just jealous that it is you rather than him." She slammed the coffee pot onto the top by the sink with such force I thought she had broken it.
" Look," I said, being very gallant though not feeling that way in the slightest. " I don't want to cause any trouble for you and, besides, he could pick me up with one hand and throw me out of the window if he wanted. What do you suggest we do?"
She considered her reply for a moment and then grinned. " Say good night to me and then leave to walk back to the docks. He will leave with you to make sure you have gone back to the ship. You will have to go on board if you think he is still following you when you reach the ship. When you think he has finally gone home, come back here and I will be waiting for you."
" What happens if he doesn't leave with me?" I asked in a strangled voice.
" Oh, he will if he wants to think he has any chance with me in the future! " Kirsti was emphatic.
I had difficulty in suppressing a giggle of fear but went to fetch my coat anyway. As soon as he saw me enter the lounge with my coat, the Finn heaved his bulk out of the chair and made ready to leave. He towered above me, looking even larger than he did before, the hands which fastened his coat so large, the fingers had trouble getting hold of the buttons. For a brief moment, I had second thoughts about leaving the flat at the same time as him, visions of him picking me up and throwing me into the harbour flashing through my head but I grinned bravely and led the way from the flat.
We walked down the road towards the harbour together, the tall and the short, not saying anything, each wrapped in his own thoughts. At first I was scared especially when the road became particularly dark but it was soon obvious that he was only going to make sure I went back to my ship. It would have been funny if he had not looked so serious and capable of tearing me apart with his bare hands. I know people say that really big people are often gentle at heart but I can tell you, I was not about to test the theory with him.
When we approached the docks, I cheerily said good-bye and ducked between a pile of timber and a shed as though taking a short cut back to the ship. In reality, all I wanted to do was get out of the light and out of the sight of my companion. Looking over my shoulder, I saw the Finn, enormous in outline against the street lights, gazing after me. Involuntarily, my steps quickened to put as much distance between us as possible in case he thought of coming after me. I was too aware of the damage he could inflict with one blow from his massive fist. All right, he might have been as gentle as a mouse but through my head was running the refrain from Jack and the Beanstalk : I smell the blood of an Englishman! I wasn't about to take the chance of finding out if he was as tough as he looked.
Finding a hiding place close to the quay, I watched him as the minutes ticked away, agonisingly slowly until I thought I had been rooted to this spot for hours. Finally, he strode off into the night. When he was out of sight, I lent against a stack of timber, the sweat pouring down my face and my legs so weak, I almost fell. I began to wonder whether the prospect of a night with Kirsti was worth such a release of nerves and fear. Leaning back against the timber, I felt drained and tired, all I could think of was my bunk aboard the Otter only a few inviting steps away. Kirsti's flat seemed a long way away through enemy territory, the terrors of the journey back unimagined. With a sigh, deciding that after all this effort I had to get some reward, I stepped out of my hiding place to begin retracing my steps.
The road stretched empty before me but, like a thief in the night, I hugged the shadows expecting at any moment a tall figure to materialise and confront me. My heart was in my mouth at the least noise or sight of another person but nothing happened. All was quiet as Kotka slept, not a car passed, hardly a light showed in the windows of the houses, it was as though I was on my own, the only person silly enough to be out at this late hour.
After negotiating the streets from the docks to the building containing Kirsti's flat, I waited in the shadows across the road in case the Finn had returned here to wait for me. Nothing stirred. In a rush, I crossed the street, and rang the bell of Kirsti's flat and waited anxiously for her to open the door. A noise made me turn but it was only a cat or some other animal rustling through some discarded papers. The door lock clicked and I pushed inside quickly closing the door behind me, my breathing shallow and coming in short gasps. The corridor and the stairs were dimly lit but I found my way back to the door of her apartment by feel as much as sight. Kirsti was standing just inside the open door waiting for me and she smiled broadly when I came into her hall. A white dressing gown covered her from head to foot but from the way her nipples showed through the cloth, she did not have much on underneath. As soon as I was inside her flat, her arms came round my neck and she pushed the door shut with her foot. We stayed locked together like that for some time and then taking my hand, she helped me through the dimly lighted lounge and into her bedroom. We made love hungrily, exploring each others bodies as if this was a new experience. After a time, we slept the sleep of the deeply satisfied.
The next night, after a day looking after the ship, I sat alone at a table in a different restaurant in another part of Kotka from the one at which I had met Kirsti. After lunch, Rex had come to claim his money and left for Helsinki. Brian had left on the same bus to be with his girlfriend Sylvie and it was Bill's turn to keep watch over the ship. Being Bill he had persuaded Captain Harris to give him a pass so that Judy could spend the night with him. It had been my turn to keep ship but Dick had told me to go ashore because he wanted to stay on board. Feeling rather alone, I sipped my drink and watched the other people drifting into the room ready for the entertainment
Kirsti arrived as we had arranged, dressed in a tight fitting dress which clung to the curves of her body and made her look even smaller than she really was. Spotting me sitting waiting, her face broke out into a big smile and she swept over to my table not waiting for the waitress to show her the way.
" Hello, James," she said as the waiter helped her into a chair, her eyes deep pools behind her smile. " Have you been waiting long? "
" No," I answered. " I always arrive early when I am looking forward to something. Do you want to eat straight away or have a drink and a dance first?”
" I'll have a drink now and eat later, " she replied, those deep brown eyes of hers gazing into mine. " Did you get back to the Otter in time to start work this morning? It was a rush in the end even though we woke up early. Making love in the mornings certainly slows down my reactions during the day."
" I was back in plenty of time. In fact, the dockers did so little loading, there was nothing for all three of us officers to do. We sat round talking all morning. I suppose you lounged around in your dressing gown until it was time to come and see me."
" I went shopping and wrote some letters. Then I prepared myself to come and meet you, " she countered with a smile.
We sat at the table and talked about ourselves, what our lives were like, danced a little and had a typical Finnish meal. The time passed unnoticed and suddenly the band was playing the last dance and it was time to return to her flat.
There was a slight chill in the air as we walked through the town arm in arm, the first fall of autumn leaves under our feet. Our bodies built up by contact and promise an anticipation of our coming love making. We did not hurry knowing that it was Sunday the next day and there would not be any need for me to return to the ship. There would be time to awake and lie in bed, to relax in each others company.
Back in the flat, I sat on the settee listening to some music, at ease with the world and waiting for Kirsti to bring some coffee. The lights were low and the evenings drinking had blurred my perception of the passing time. This, I told myself is what life should be like. I was floating on a sea of goodwill, all my senses coloured by a rosy glow which told me that the world was whole and perfect. A good meal with a woman who I found interesting and the anticipation of love making to come, had relaxed me until I was floating on a sea of good feelings. I had no worries about the future, no worries about actions and reactions, only today and now was what mattered. At that time, that was how I wanted life to be. All I wanted was to sail in my ships, drifting with the trend of events in my small circle without the need to take on commitments. To me this was true happiness, divorced from the humdrum problems of so many relationships. Tomorrow would be another day but for the moment I could live as though there were no tomorrow. Such attitudes are selfish but that is the price society has to pay for letting people be free.
Kirsti poured out the coffee and sat down on the settee by my side, running her finger through my hair as she did so. She kissed me and wrapped he arms round my neck, holding me tight.
" We must make the most of tonight and tomorrow, " she whispered in my ear, a sad smile lighting her eyes. " My husband returns early next week and I have no idea when he will be going away again. We must make love as though we are trying to satisfy each other for ever."
I sat back, pushing her slightly away and looked into her eyes, wondering what to say. There was not a lot of conversation in a statement like that. She was telling me that very soon I must make way for her husband but before that, I had to make sure I satisfied her with my love making. I wondered whether she really was attracted to me or if I was the person who happened to arrive at the right place at the right time to fulfil her needs. From the first meeting the night before, she had appeared to have a huge need for a man. Pushing the thought of her motives out of my mind, I grinned and held her tight.
" My husband and I don't go out together very often when he is at home, so there is very little chance of you seeing me in town. If you do see me while I am with him, don't try to say anything to me though you can nod if you like. I can always say you are a friend of Judy and Bill. It is funny really. When we are together, he tends to be very possessive though I know he is no saint when he is away."
She laughed at my expression and stroked my brow. " Don't look so defensive and partly shocked. I wanted you to make love to me from the first time we danced. This will have been the best weekend I have had for a long time. I feel I am truly happy. When I am lonely in the future, I will look back and hug this feeling to myself. I will dream about you, about what we did together and try to recreate those feelings in my daydreams. My girlfriends will not say anything to anybody because they will not want to limit their own opportunities to spend the night with a man other than their husbands. They all carry on in the same way. I expect all the husbands know what goes on when they are away but ignore it as long as there is not a scandal. Lets face it, all our husbands want the opportunities this gives them. What we have to hope is that when he next goes away, you are still running to this port on the Otter. "
“ I hadn't thought about what happens to us after this weekend, " I told her truthfully, smiling slightly. " When you came to the restaurant last night, I knew that of all the women in the room, you were the one I most wanted to dance with. After we sat at the same table, talking and laughing, it seemed only natural that we would come back here and make love. Come on. Drink your coffee and let the future look after itself."
She drank her coffee while never taking her eyes off my face. It was as though she wanted to etch the picture firmly in her memory to be recalled when she needed reminding of what it had been like spending the night with me. Putting down her cup, she stated to unbutton my shirt, softly running the tips of her fingers over my chest as she did so. Feeling a bit like a hollywood movie star, I lifted her off the settee and carried her into the bedroom. We abandoned ourselves to our passion that night and the next day, not knowing if we would ever meet again. It was as though we both felt we had to fit a lifetime of lovemaking into those few hours. Again and again we roused each other and finally we slept as darkness started to creep over the harbour the following evening.
